Fexting: To do it or Not to Do it?

November 1, 2022

Have you heard of the word ‘fexting’? Can you guess what the word “fexting” means?

Fexting was first coined by First Lady Jill Biden as her and President Joe Biden would occasionally fight over text to avoid the unnecessary attention from security guards or personnels.

As easy as it is to fight over text and avoid face-to-face conflict, it can cause more problems.

It is very common for couples to fight over text since the world has become very digitized. When a couple is struggling with communication they often get sucked into a negative cycle going in circles. Texting seems very easy as you can formulate your thoughts without being interrupted by your partner.

However, texting does not let you see your partner’s cues and body language. You might receive different feedback over text as your partner might miss valuable information. The main con of fexting is it causes misinterpretation of tone. For example, your partner texts you, “Please take out the garbage,” or “Please don’t forget to buy eggs.” There is a probability that you might perceive it as a taunt because you are forgetful. But your partner texted you as a friendly reminder and not in a rude way. It is very easy to misinterpret the tone of the text.

Texting just allows exchange of information. My clients make amazing connections and insights in session all the time but when they share it with me, it’s just information. BUT when they can look over at their partner and lock eyes with them and share what they just shared with me, it becomes an EXPERIENCE. You miss out on that without the face to face connection. Maybe your fights are really damaging, so fexting seems like a better option… I get it, if you’re getting stuck, reach out to a therapist ! They can guide you to have those more meaningful conversations.

Here are some tips to avoid fexting:

  • You can use emojis when texting for the other person to know the tone of the message
  • Talk about serious issues over call or in person
  • Try avoid using sentences that sound like you are blaming the other person
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