We all hit rough patches in relationships. Whether it’s constant arguments, feeling more like roommates than partners, or a creeping sense of disconnection, many people begin to wonder if it’s time to begin therapy. But here’s where things can get tricky. Should you go to therapy together, or should one (or both) of you go solo? Couples can often assume they need couples therapy to fix relationship issues, but that’s not always the case. Sometimes, individual therapy ends up being the unexpected game-changer. Let’s unpack the differences and when each might be the better fit.
Couples Therapy: You’re Both in the Room
Couples therapy focuses on the relationship itself and the dynamic between you. You both come to sessions, and the therapist serves as a kind of guide or translator, helping you untangle misunderstandings, interrupt harmful patterns, and build better ways of communicating.
This format is great if:
• You’re stuck in recurring arguments or power struggles
• There’s been a rupture (infidelity, broken trust, a major transition)
• You both want to improve the relationship, but don’t know how
• You feel like you’re not hearing or understanding each other anymore
Couples therapy works best when both people are willing to take responsibility for their part and are committed to working through the tension (Fishbane, 2011). That said, it’s not always smooth sailing. Sometimes one partner is hesitant or resistant to therapy. Or the sessions become emotionally charged, and it can be hard to go deep individually when you’re trying to “keep the peace” for your partner’s sake.
Individual Therapy: When One Person Changes, Everything Shifts
Sometimes the best way to work on a relationship is by starting with yourself. In individual therapy, you can explore how your history, triggers, values, and communication habits show up in the relationship. You can get really honest, without worrying how your words will land with your partner in the room. This approach is especially helpful if:
• You’re unsure whether you want to stay in the relationship
• You keep repeating old patterns from past relationships
• You’re experiencing anxiety, anger, or people-pleasing tendencies
• You’re carrying trauma or attachment wounds into the dynamic
Individual therapy helps you get clearer on what you need, what boundaries matter, and how to express yourself in ways that lead to more connection. Plus, when one person grows, it naturally shifts the relationship. That’s not to say it always saves the relationship, but it often changes the tone, invites new conversations, or gives clarity on the next step.
So… Which One Is “Better”?
The truth is, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Instead, try to think of it less as “either/or” and more like choosing the right tool for where you are right now. If the relationship itself is in crisis or both partners feel stuck, couples therapy can be a powerful space for healing and repair. If one partner is feeling lost, confused, or overwhelmed, and not ready to share that vulnerably in front of the other, individual therapy can provide a safer first step. And sometimes, the best work happens when both are happening in parallel: individual therapy to work through personal blocks, and couples therapy to work on shared dynamics (Heitler, 2001).
When You’re Not Sure Where to Start
As a therapist, I often help people navigate this exact question: Where do I begin? Whether you come in alone or with your partner, the goal is the same: to build a relationship (with yourself and others) that feels more honest, connected, and grounded. If you’re feeling stuck or unsure, I offer free consultations where we can talk through your specific situation and see what kind of support might be the best fit. You don’t have to figure it all out on your own, and no, it doesn’t mean the relationship is “failing” just because you’re reaching out. It might actually be the moment it starts to shift.
If you’re struggling to rebuild authentic connection, seeking help from a therapist can be beneficial. The therapists at Couples Counselling Centre are available to guide you through the process of reconnecting and creating a deeper, more fulfilling relationship. Click HERE to book a free consult with Shain Christian who wrote this article.
