As Suicide Awareness Month ends, it is crucial that we remember that the conversation about suicide and its impacts does not end here. Suicide has lasting effects on families, friends and communities and the grief process is ongoing. Healing takes time, grief demands a witness! While September is a time to amplify awareness, educate and extend support, it is important to keep the conversation going regarding offering support and connecting individuals to resources all year round. Grieving and coping with the loss of a loved one to suicide can be a complex and evolving journey. So how do we create space for healing, honor the memories while staying connected as a couple?
Honouring your Grief
Losing a loved one to suicide can be sudden, overwhelming and shocking leading to complicated grief. The unanswered questions and unresolved emotions surrounding the loss make it hard for individuals to heal, move forward, or maintain their relationships. Therefore, there is no “right” timeline for moving forward or getting over the stages of grief. One must be compassionate, patient and give grace for the partner to grieve at tehir own pace.
Grief after suicide can look different for different individuals, therefore, it is important to foster open and non-judgmental communication about each partner’s feelings and needs. It is natural to have feelings of guilt, anger, and confusion. Acknowledging the emotional differences in the grieving process and remaining empathetic and open to how each partner is feeling is crucial. Establishing regular check-in with each other and holding space can make a world of difference. Asking a question like.
“How are you feeling today?”
“How can I support you today?”
“Would you like some company right now?”
“Were you able to get some sleep last night?”
These questions can show that you care and acknowledge that your partner is going through challenging time. At times it is also okay not knowing what to say. A warm presence and simply expressing “I am not sure what to say, but I am here for you” can be enough.
The feelings and thoughts that fester after losing a loved one to suicide are often fueled by guilt such as “What could I have done differently?” or shame “How could this happen to our family?” These thoughts can put an enormous strain on the relationship. By acknowledging these emotions and understanding that they are part of the grieving process, they can be processed in a healthy way. It is important to avoid self-blaming or blaming one’s partner. Offering reassurance and compassion to each other are critical parts of healing.
Celebrating and Remembering Your Loved One’s Life
Honouring the deceased can involve creating meaningful rituals. Celebrating shared memories or participating in suicide prevention and awareness events helps transform grief into actionable steps. Sharing stories or memories of the loved one may also foster healing. These rituals provide couples with shared activity that strengthens the relationship. Therefore, focusing on the love shared with the person lost to suicide, rather than the tragedy, can help build emotional resilience and aid healing. Psychotherapists and mental health resources can support this process.
Grief counselling and couples’ therapy can provide a safe space for processing emotions, fostering communication, and learning strategies for healing. Attending suicide survivor support groups can help connect the couple to other individuals who understand the unique pain of losing a loved one to suicide, while therapy can help teach mindfulness and grounding techniques to manage grief and associated emotions.
Although losing a loved one to suicide is heartbreaking, taking small steps like spending time together, listening without judgment, and creating enjoyable routines can help strengthen the bond between partners.
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