EFT is so powerful because the therapist follows a roadmap to help you go from a place of distress and disconnection to a place of security and connection. Below are the phases you are likely to go through if you decide to begin Couples Therapy with Couples Counselling Centre!
Phase 1 : Understanding you as individuals and you as a couple. We know it’s sometimes hard to connect to the strengths of your relationships when you first present to therapy, but we know they exist. We want to assess the good parts of your relationships before we dive into the challenging and messy parts.
Step 1 : Your counsellor will be able to guide you in each step, and will meet you where you are. The first step is setting up counselling goals. The therapist will understand the way in which your past relationships have impacted your relationship in this very moment
Step 2 : As you explore this, try to pinpoint and describe the negative patterns that you may tend to get stuck in. At this stage, your therapist will support you in tracking your interactions with your patterns and help you identify exactly where and how your communication breaks down.
Step 3 : In this step, your awareness will be brought to your emotions. Emotions have a way of guiding and stirring up relationships. When caught in negative emotional cycles, they can cause you to feel stuck even more. Try to dive deep into your feelings and not just stay on the surface level. Try to dive into what causes the initial feelings, this oftentimes can be hurt, sadness or fear. After you’ve identified and brought your awareness to these “root” feelings, start speaking to your partner about them.
Step 4 : developing the ability to describe and recognize the cycle and what triggers it. This will include understanding certain things you may do to protect yourself and your relationship and how this may impact your partner. Pay attention to what starts each cycle and the actions you take after the cycle has come about. Have an open communication with your partner about these cycles and work together to gain control over them.
Phase 2 : Creating a new, intimate relationship bond by changing your communication patterns
Step 5 : As you and your partner communicate through the negative cycles and express things you may not have been able to before, you will be able to show more compassion to each other. With the support of your therapist in this step you will begin to explore and share with your partner the insecurities, life experience that have been difficult and possible struggles you have encountered surrounding your relationship. Throughout this process, your partner will begin to see and understand where you are coming, creating empathy between you both.
Step 6 : This step is where you will wear the hat of the listener for your partner. The therapist will help you stay engaged and provide compassion to your partner, accepting and listening to their disclosures. It’s beneficial to stay open and understanding during this process. At times, it can be hard to hear how your partner may be feeling or have a rush of emotions in reaction to this.
Step 7: In this step, you and your partner will embark on a journey to explore what makes you two deeply feel connected in your relationship. Your therapist will help guide you and make sure your needs in this relationship are being met and offer you to lean into each for your partner in a loving way. The hopes by the end of this step is to create a sense of “being there” for each other.
Phase 3 : time for you to start using the new communication patterns learned to solve old problems in new ways!
Step 8 : It is now time for you and your partner to take the “work” you’ve done and put it to the test. This is where you want to revisit old problems and decisions that have been put on hold while staying emotionally connected. These topics shouldn’t feel so heavy now that you’ve felt heard and are in a more secure and engaging environment with your partner.
Step 9 : YOU MADE IT ! Through this process you will have been able to reshape your relationship and likely felt a profound bond with your partner that has never been felt before!
If you’re ready to transform your relationship, reach out to book a consultation with one of our skilled therapists! You have nothing to lose and so much to gain!
