Grief is a natural and normal response to loss. It involves a range of emotions, thoughts, and physical reactions. While most people associate grief with the death of a loved one, it can occur in many situations—such as the end of a relationship, losing a job, dealing with illness, or facing big life changes. Everyone experiences grief differently, and understanding how it works can help you navigate through it more easily.
What Are the Different Types of Grief?
Grief can look different for everyone, and it doesn’t always follow the same pattern. Here are some common types of grief:
- Acute Grief:
This is the intense grief that typically happens soon after a loss. It’s often overwhelming, but it usually becomes less intense over time as you begin to adjust to the change in your life. - Complicated Grief:
Sometimes grief lasts longer than expected, and the pain doesn’t seem to fade. This is called complicated grief. It can make it hard to get back to your normal life and might even make you feel stuck in your grief. - Anticipatory Grief:
This happens when you know a loss is coming, such as when a loved one is terminally ill. Although this can allow you to prepare, it can also cause anxiety and sadness long before the actual loss occurs. - Disenfranchised Grief:
This type of grief happens when your loss isn’t fully acknowledged or understood by others. For example, grieving a miscarriage, an abortion, or the end of a relationship in the LGBTQ2+ community may be hard for others to recognize, which can leave you feeling unsupported. - Ambiguous Grief:
Ambiguous grief happens when you experience loss but don’t have clear closure. For instance, someone with dementia might still be alive, but they’ve lost their ability to communicate, creating a sense of grief without finality.
The Five Stages of Grief: A Well-Known Framework
You may have heard about Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief. While they’re often talked about, they don’t cover the whole picture of what grief really is. These stages are:
- Denial:
Denial happens right after a loss, where you might have trouble accepting what’s happening. You might feel numb, disconnected, or in shock. - Anger:
As the reality of the loss sinks in, anger can take over. You may feel frustrated, resentful, or even blame others, yourself, or a higher power for the situation. - Bargaining:
During this stage, you might try to make deals with yourself or others, wishing you could change the outcome. You may ask “What if?” or try to make promises in exchange for relief. - Depression:
Depression is the deep sadness that often follows a loss. It’s the stage where you might realize how significant the loss is and feel overwhelmed by grief. - Acceptance:
Acceptance doesn’t mean “getting over” the loss, but it’s about learning to live with it. You begin to adjust to life without what you’ve lost and find new ways to move forward.
A Few Criticisms of the Five Stages
While the five stages model is helpful for some people, it’s important to remember that grief isn’t always a neat, step-by-step process. Many people experience grief in a different order, or they may move back and forth between stages. There’s no one-size-fits-all timeline for how grief should unfold.
Grief Is Not Linear
Grief can feel like a rollercoaster. Some days you may feel like you’re adjusting to the new reality, while other days the sadness might hit you unexpectedly. It’s normal to go back and forth between grieving and adapting to the changes.
- Emotional Pain vs. Adjustment:
Sometimes, you’ll find yourself focusing on the pain of your loss, and other times, you might be actively adjusting to the change. It’s okay to move between these feelings. - No Right or Wrong Way:
There’s no “right” way to grieve. Everyone’s journey is different, and the process can take time. It’s important to be patient with yourself as you work through your emotions.
How Different Losses Affect Grief
The way you experience grief can depend on several factors, including the type of loss and your personal relationship to it.
- Type of Relationship:
If you’re grieving the loss of a parent, for example, your experience will vary depending on whether your relationship with them was close or strained. - Sudden vs. Expected Loss:
Sudden losses, like an unexpected death or a sudden breakup, can feel more shocking and disorienting. In contrast, when a loss is expected, like when someone is diagnosed with a terminal illness, it may allow for more emotional preparation—but that doesn’t make it any easier. - Cultural and Religious Differences:
Different cultures and religions have unique views on grief and mourning. What feels supportive in one culture may not be the same in another. Understanding your own traditions and the traditions of others can help provide the right kind of support during grief.
Finding Support During Grief
Grief can often feel isolating, but it’s important to remember that support is available. Here are a few ways to get the help you need:
- Talk to Friends and Family:
Having people you can turn to for support can make a huge difference. You don’t have to go through it alone—talking to someone who understands can help you feel less isolated. - Professional Support:
Grief counseling can provide a safe space to work through your emotions. A trained therapist can help guide you through the grieving process and offer strategies to cope with your feelings.
Grief is something we all experience at different points in our lives, and it comes in many forms. By understanding that there’s no single “right” way to grieve, and by being patient with yourself, you can begin to heal. Remember, seeking help from others—whether loved ones or a professional—can make the grieving process more manageable.
If you’re struggling with grief and feel like you need someone to talk to, the empathetic therapists at the Couples Counselling Centre are here to help.
If you’re struggling to rebuild authentic connection, seeking help from a therapist can be beneficial. The therapists at Couples Counselling Centre are available to guide you through the process of reconnecting and creating a deeper, more fulfilling relationship. Click HERE to book a free consult.
