Do you find yourself entertaining unhelpful and potentially harmful thoughts in your daily life? Do you have these thoughts pop into your mind and then find yourself ruminating on them for the remainder of the day? These are called automatic thoughts, and they often form due to the way we have been conditioned to think. Sometimes, this way of thinking is informed by our upbringing and how our parents spoke to us, other times these thoughts are informed by other relationships and how others have made us feel. This way of thinking can also be informed by unspoken expectations that we have placed on ourselves or that others have placed on us. There may be particular situations in which these thoughts are more likely to form such as when you are in a crowd of people, when you are driving in your car, when you are anticipating giving a presentation, or when you make a mistake.
What do automatic thoughts sound like and how can I identify them?
Automatic thoughts are not always thoughts that we have to entertain but the key to discarding unhelpful thoughts like water off our back is to first be able to identify them as automatic thoughts. Let’s take for example a situation where you make a mistake – you burn the food that you had put in the oven to cook for dinner. Automatic thoughts begin to pop into your mind that sound a lot like:
I always do this… I’m so careless… of course this happened again… I’m such an idiot… I can’t do anything right… I always mess up… people are going to think I’m incapable… I’m better off not trying…
These are automatic thoughts. They are unhelpful and unintentional thoughts that pop into your head informing a negative self-narrative in the present moment and the first step in stopping them is to catch yourself beginning to think this way. It is also worth noting that these thoughts are not you, they are just simply occurring.
Examining the Evidence For and Against
After these thoughts have been identified as automatic thoughts, the next step is to examine the evidence that suggests that these thoughts may be true. Consider what experiences you have had in the past that suggest that these thoughts are true. Think about if these experiences are applicable to what you are going through in the present and in what ways they may be different. Next, think about the evidence that suggests that these thoughts are untrue. What experiences have you had before that proves these thoughts wrong? Consider situations where the opposite of these thoughts has bee true. Think of exceptions to these thoughts and how those exceptions may apply now.
Let’s use the following example: each time your partner leaves the house you begin to worry that they will be unfaithful to you. The following automatic thoughts come up for you:
I’m not good enough… I’m not as attractive as other people… I’m not worthy of my partner… my partner can find someone better than me… my partner is way out of my league… why would my partner stay with me?… its just a matter of time until someone better comes along… my partner is tired of me… my partner doesn’t love me anymore… I’m never the first choice…
In this situation, you must first identify that these thoughts are coming up. They are entering your mind without you thinking about these thoughts intentionally and these thoughts are not you. Disown the thoughts. Next, consider the evidence that suggests that these thoughts are true. Has your partner been unfaithful before? What kind of behavior from your partner suggests that these thoughts may be true? What experiences with your partner prompt you to think that these thoughts are correct?
Next, consider the evidence that suggests that these thoughts are incorrect.
You may think of all the times that your partner did something to make you feel special, or the times when your partner told you how attractive they find you. You may think back to experiences of times when your partner was faithful to you and respected your boundaries or avoided situations that made you feel insecure. You may consider the patience your partner has displayed and the reassurance they have provided you when you began to question your worth. Consider all the experiences that suggest that these thoughts are untrue.
Automatic thoughts come up for everyone. Sometimes, they stick around and make us feel bad about ourselves. Examining the evidence can help us to understand if there may be validity to our thoughts, or if our mind is drawing upon our fears and insecurities in an unproductive and harmful way. If automatic thoughts are something that you can’t seem to shake and have begun to impact the quality of your life, consider speaking with a mental health professional about ways to work through these thoughts and to discover the underlying reasons these thoughts arise.
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