“How do we stay connected as a couple when we have a new baby?”
It is a valid concern, especially after hearing numerous stories from friends, family, or colleagues about how much life changes with a newborn. And it is true—life changes significantly.
Despite the challenges, there are ways couples can maintain and even deepen their connection after welcoming a baby. The key is that it takes effort and commitment. Like any major life change, especially parenting, consistency is crucial if you want to see positive results. It might be hard to stay calm after a disagreement over something like changing a diaper or encouraging each other, but the reward of a strong partnership and a unified parenting team is well worth it.
Here are a few strategies to help maintain your connection:
- Stay Connected: After your partner returns to work and you are home with the baby, find small ways to stay connected throughout the day. A quick text message, a photo, or a short, sweet note about your day can keep the conversation going and maintain the connection between you and your partner. Be sure to keep the lines of communication open. Do not limit your discussions to just the baby or daily responsibilities. Make time to truly connect with your partner—ask questions, share your experiences, and nurture your relationship.
- Schedule Time Together: With a new baby, finding time for yourself can feel impossible. First-time parents, in particular, often worry about leaving their newborn with a babysitter. Still, carving out time to be alone with your partner is essential. This allows you to reconnect and share your experiences as new parents in a positive, supportive way. Even if it’s only 30 minutes once a week, it’s important to keep negativity at bay during this time. Regular check-ins, even if infrequent, help maintain your bond and keep the romance alive.
- Acknowledge the Positive: It is easy to slip into the habit of correcting your partner based on the parenting advice you have read or heard. But rather than focusing on what might be wrong, take time to appreciate what is going right. Simple affirmations like “I love how attentive you are with the baby” can lift your partner’s spirits and strengthen your relationship during challenging times.
- Before becoming parents, many couples may share responsibilities fairly equally. However, when a baby arrives, these dynamics can change significantly. Mothers often start shouldering the “invisible load” as early as conception and continue to carry most of the work after the baby is born. When this pattern emerges even unintentionally, it can lead to resentment, making it difficult for the relationship to flourish. To prevent this, it is essential to be mindful about dividing the work and sharing responsibilities.
And finally, keep having fun together!
Parenthood is a long journey, but it does not have to be overwhelming. Any parent can relate to the challenges that come with raising children. It can be all-consuming—the mental exhaustion, the constant demands, and even the compassion fatigue are undeniable. Yet, all too soon, there will come a time when our children no longer seek our attention. These tips can help keep your relationship strong and healthy as you navigate the exciting, yet demanding, new chapter of your life.
Feel like you are struggling with new changes in your life, click HERE to have a free consultation with one of our wonderful couples therapists.
